She knows how much I love her now!

Youngest Daughter & Grandbebe Girl came for dinner last night. Having a grandbebe is proving to be a very rewarding experience. I have heard it was to be so, but honestly, I was not on pins and needles. I was excited enough, but more than ready to wait.

I hold onto some regrets regarding raising my own daughters. There are many things I see that I could have done so much better. I see, in the mire of my co-dependence with the X, that I did not do things as well as I might have as a mother, and it causes me great heartache. I have cause to make many amends to my girls. When I see in their behaviors some habit patterns they had to have learned from the way we 'practiced family', I hurt deeply. Oh...to go back....and what? To love them more? I love them more than life! To do things better? I did things the best I knew. To do what different? Leave the situation? I couldn't. I didn't know of any other way. Not until later.

So now I see my baby with her baby, and she is such a good momma. She has read much, and is up on all the important things, like immunizations and safety and childhood development. She is attentive to her child, and independent thinking with regards to the opinions of others. Her baby is a happy, healthy baby, that loves her momma (and daddy, too).

I look at them together and feel some satisfaction. I see her and I, as mother and baby, when I look at them together. I feel that I must have done some things right, as she couldn't have learned all of this know-how from a book. She had to learn some of it from how she was mothered. I know that. I take great comfort in this.

Last night, with her momma out of the room, Grandbebe and Grandmama played Peek-A-Boo. With her sitting on the bed, I ducked out of sight, then popped up. She startled a bit, then laughed in that baby giggle. I have only heard that outright laugh from her once before. It. Is. Music. Indescribable, and unbelievable in it's capacity for rendering one helpless. Guess what I did? I ducked again! And again! Then Momma came back, and Grandmama was not the most important person in the room. (Party pooper!)

But to see this baby's face light up to see her momma, I will take that as a gift.