Déjà vu

I have been here before, on both sides of the fence. I don’t know which is the most uncomfortable. Leaving…or being left….

The company I work for is a small one, and it has been an uphill climb the last year for us. Those who make the decisions have struggled mightily to keep us all employed and paid. The point of lay-offs was reached today. This is not a massive corporate restructuring to further line pockets of those whose needs are well met. I believe this is a decision hard made by people who knew, by name, those who were let go.

I am so sorry for those who left. I understand full well what they are feeling today, and what they will be feeling in the days ahead.

I also do not know what the long term holds for those of us who stay. We are fine for now, for a while.

Actually, I know more than that. I am perfectly well, whatever happens. I know that if not here, there will be a place somewhere else. If not this, there will be something else. I am right where I need to be. I will find the springboard in this, and learn the lesson that is here for me. And have the peace and serenity that comes from knowing that things are moving exactly like they need to, and my higher power is in control.

See, this is another lesson learned from the Dee-vorce. Then, I had in my mind what was needed to fix the situation. Things needed to turn out just so. The X needed to see things my way. She needed to just disappear…’poof’! The church people just needed to understand, and ask us back, and things could get back to normal. None of that is what happened. In fact, none of what happened is anything I remotely imagined. Well, some maybe. In my worst thoughts, I dreaded that the X and the ‘she’ getting together, and me being abandoned. (yes…abandoned!) I dreaded losing the church, and my acquaintances and friends, and my groups and activities. All those tragic (sob!) things happened, and more. I met Wonderful Guy, started the 12 step program, grew personally and spiritually in ways I don’t believe I would have at church all involved like I was, made new friends outside the social circle that I was so locked into, and broke into new activities which take me outside my corner of comfort (practice I truly need). My point is, of which I constantly remind myself, not to be limited by my thoughts of what the future needs to look like. My higher power, and the universe, is not so limited by my meager imaginings!