A Day Of Service

Well, I needed this.

Sometimes I wonder where my head is. I know I have been busy and may have missed the news for…several days…but generally I pay attention the internet.

I missed remembering the events of Nine Eleven through a day of giving back rather than a day of mourning.

Eight years ago, the Dee-vorce was not yet filed, but the Dee-cision had been made by the X. He remained at the house. I was devastated by his final take on the matter of our marriage after months of trying to reconstruct. Laid waste, reduced to my lowest denominator, dee-molished. Yank out your own thesaurus…life was over as I knew it, and I could not see the future.

I knew it was there. I knew I would reach it. I just couldn’t see it, or what my place in it was going to look like. I had no point of reference for me being me without him.

So on that morning, I was getting ready for work. And he was not, not having work to go to, which is another post. He comes up the stairs and tells me what has happened. I come down to watch the news, and the second event occurs.

And I was Just. Done. In.

Overload.

No more room.

Too much.

I went to work, and heard about the Pentagon and Pennsylvania, but while others were glued to the TV and the internet, I had to perform work tasks. Had to.

I couldn’t handle it all emotionally and intellectually, the twin towers along with my falling down life. And the events will be interlinked from now on, I think.

But life is about moving on, growing, learning, and changing, at least for me.

Not forgetting, but building on. And making better.

Not dwelling on, but remembering where and who we were, and how far we have come, and assessing how we feel about the results.

Serving others in remembrance is a remarkable idea.

So happens my retreat plans have to do with service work, and maybe my outlook towards the whole thing hasn’t been spot on. I have been tired, and my efforts have been sprinkled with a bit of resentment.

No more. I have had my wake-up call.