Expectations of Others

(Or Wanting Others Different Than Who They Are)

I spent many years of my life thinking others would be better served to behave the way I thought they ought to behave.

I believed that if others would only ‘be this way’ or ‘quit doing that’, my life would be so much more peaceful.

But mostly people were who they were, and did what they wanted to do, without any regard for my wishes. Go figure. No amount of passive-aggressive, co-dependent, controlling behavior on my part got others to do anything I wanted them to.

Only thing that happened was the build-up of anger and resentment in me at others for messing up my life. Co-workers, family members, neighbors…it didn’t matter. Any of these in my circle of acquaintances might be the thorn in my flesh, that if only I could get to change….or get out…well, then I thought I, and they! would be so much happier.

I have since learned that people are who they are. And they changed when they are ready. Or they don’t change ever.

They never change because I want them to. Or because I insist on telling them what they need to do. Ever. My peace comes in accepting them for who they are, and seeing the value in them, just as they are.

And in working boundaries to protect myself if they are truly threatening, detaching from the drama on which some feed, understanding the difference in acceptance of the person as valuable and ‘giving into’ the unhealthy wishes and demands to make that person feel worthy.

I have had some times in my life that were silly, whiney examples of me not being able to ‘get-along’. And I have had a couple of examples of some who were in my life to teach me this specific lesson. I am not sure I learned it well enough. I am sort of waiting for the follow-up course.