Still here...still working....still not a permanent employee after almost four years. Which is longer than I was a permanent employee at some most of the positions on my resume. Including one of the stints I worked here before, and quickly closing in on the second.
After our recent yearly financial check-up, it seems that optimum security will be achieved if the Guy and I can contiue to contribute to The Retirement Accounts fully for another four years. It also seems that can best be done with my continued employment, so rather than the freedom to believe that we could possibly do without my income, I am thusly obligated to continue.
Taking the long view. Looking ahead. Planning for the future.
Gritting through each damn day with no incentives, no growth opportunity, no raise, no bonus, but putting it out for for everyone else's...
And counting down the pay periods.
And building up my fabric/yarn/fiber IRAs. You better believe it. Oh, not it big giant ways, and always with an eye for the bargain, as that is my wont and need. But it is also my little reward.
I believe that it's an age thing, not being put on permanent. That is a difficult thing to come which to come to grips. There have been times that my sex has brought me lower paychecks, and it was said to be due to experience. And I found myself helpless to fight that. But angry nonetheless. Now I feel that there are hungrier, cheaper, younger bucks that are eager, and I find myself too tired for the fight.
Again, I find myself a bit ragey at being put on the back burner. Punks. I helped fight the fight that gave them their damn smart phones! There's a chain of thought there, but I stopped my HRT in November and it's a little hard for me to connect the dots. Something about breaking ground in a non-traditional field for women, learning Windows 3.1 when people thought computers were 'hard', and in general...looking forward and being willing, dammit!
Trying to keep the positives in the fore front. Trying not to whine. It's a paycheck, not a bad one, and the best I can do right now. After all...I do not have retail, service industry, or admin experience. My options are limited. So I keep on keeping on as long as they will keep me on.
4 months ago