My Mother's Story (the last)

She kept smiling...

My mother’s birthday was April 14th, and this year she would have been 90. She died 3 years ago this year today, at 87.

This is the last part of my little tribute to her memory.

Mom never remarried. There were a couple of fellows she saw for quite a while, and Dearest Sister and I thought we might have to make room for a daddy. Nothing panned out, for unclear reasons to us at the time. Later, when asked, she told me that she never believed anyone would love us girls as much as our daddy did. I also think a big part of it was the fact that she like being independent, as unfortunate as the circumstances were that forced her into that situation. I don’t believe she relished the idea of trading that independence for the role of a wife and the dependence that meant to a woman of her generation.

Before the birth of Grandbebe #3

She was incredibly energetic until the last years of her life. Momma maintained the exercise philosophy that one stayed active and fit and flexible by doing whatever one could. Not one for health clubs, she took the every man's approach. Obviously, she gardened, and was not above the shoveling of manure. And she drove a standard transmission (tightening up the abs whenever that clutch was engaged!). She loved to swim, and I remember her swimming laps, slow and steady, the crawl and sidestroke and backstroke. Momma said the tension just flowed out of her those times. There were some other interesting aspects to this theory, with her flexibility exercises and Barley Green (again with the rolling of the eyes!) but mostly she walked when she could and took care of her health. She remained healthy and full of life, and lived independently until the last few years, when her memory started to fail, and her congestive heart disease slowed her down.

Age 67-ish?

My siblings and the grandchildren, of whom there are 10 grandchildren and 7 great-grandchildren, have their own memories of Mom. On her last day with us, Dearest Sister, myself, and the Three Daughters were sitting with her. Middle Daughter suggested we share what we each remembered best about Grandma. I don’t recall what I said really, but I remember what the girls said. They remembered that when Grandma came to visit, she always brought Shredded Wheat and ‘Shaklee’ Protein Powder, and she let them have as much as they wanted. “It was like ICING,” all three cried! Dearest Sister and I burst out laughing. Not something indelibly etched in my memory, but it is for them.

(Note: one of them commented yesterday about the shredded wheat before even reading this section!)

With Grandbebe #6

When Momma passed, we all knew how she wanted things done. She had made that plain. And plain was the word for it. Nothing fancy, and as inexpensive as we could make it. As that young widow, with few funds, she was called upon to spend a hefty amount for the transport, funeral, and burial of Daddy. She saw so much money go into flowers when she didn’t know how she was going to support her children. It irked her tremendously. She made it clear to us that was not what she wanted. She was not going to be there. She wouldn’t care, and it was not going to matter. So her wishes were what we adhered to. Cremation without viewing, a memorial service, donations to the church instead of flowers. We bought flowers in bulk from Sam’s, and Youngest Daughter, a floral designer, created some beautiful sprays. When we saw the prices of the urns at the funeral home, we bought Mom’s off EBay. (She would LOVE that.) We worked together very well as siblings during that time, and it occurred to me that is often not the case.

I remember her saying ‘I’m just so proud of you kids’. And her grandkids. And her great-grandkids. And while she may have been a bit stiff-necked in the way she showed it, I know down deep her pride was true. She just was a product of her generation, and had definite ideas of what was right and what was wrong, and how one went about doing things the right way. And by golly, she was not above telling someone when they needed to straighten up and fly right. And how…and why…,and what was going to happen if they didn’t…. I don’t think it ever registered that we were rolling our eyes, and waiting for the end of the lecture. She didn’t do all of it right, and there were mistakes made. But her kids are still talking to each other, know they love each other, and truly enjoy being around each other. She did the best she knew how, and I am feeling that she did a bit better than that, too.