Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope

One of the important and best things I have learned in the 12 step program I attend for those with general living issues is the idea of sharing what one has learned without being directive. That is, not telling others what they need to do. We call it ‘sharing our experience, strength, and hope’.

Sometimes it’s as simple as using the pronoun ‘I’, instead of the pronoun ‘you’. That may seem very simple for some, but it was a big transition for me. First, I generally meant ‘me’ when I said ‘you’, and would have argued that it made that much difference. (Really, people, picky stuff here! Let’s get to the meat of the matter, which is to get you to think like me!) Then again, sometimes I was telling people what they ought to be doing to fix their problems. I mean, why would they be telling me their stuff if they didn’t want my help?

In addition, it works for me to share what my experience has been, what has worked for me in the past. End of story. The other person may hear something they can relate to, or they may think I am completely out to lunch. It’s their choice to do what they will with the experience I share. I try very hard to not give advice, and that frees the other person from having to tell me why ‘it’ won’t work in their situation.

It’s my experience, unique to my situation and background. I don’t assume anymore I have the answers for anyone else. I am freed up to listen more completely when I don’t feel I am responsible for coming up with a solution to someone’s situation. Often that is all that is required for some…a good listening.

With the Dee-vorce, I learned I have no answers, and I can learn a lot from listening to other’s experiences. My mad listening skilz have increased dramatically, and I am amazed at what ‘just listening’ can do for some people.

Of course, this is all just talk when it comes to my role as a mother! Then I am all about telling those kids what they need to be doing!