Setting goals

I have been thinking some about goal setting lately, and how I go about doing that sort of thing.

Growing up, I don’t recall much discussion about ‘goals’, but there was certainly intent to accomplish things. The ‘goals’ were more along the lines of 4-H projects (pretty successful), and cleaning the room I shared with Dearest Sister (not so successful), and ‘getting things done’, in general. I don’t remember much of the idea that if I wanted to achieve some level of recognition, I needed to set my mind to it, and do the things required to accomplish that. It was a bit more hit and miss, like ‘well, try out and see!’ Without proper preparation, that often led to un-success. That led to trying only for things I know I could get, and not stretching out so much for achievement. At least I was encouraged to try.

Before the Dee-vorce, it seemed the X and I were just working to get by so much of the time, and the things we achieved we just sort of fell into, and couldn’t have done without a lot of help from others. I know it was a huge leap of faith when we returned to complete his higher education with three small children…babies, really…and it was an accomplishment for us both to finish our degrees at that time. What we do to satisfy that inner hunger for recognition is a huge motivator. What we do to help that person from whom we receive our self-esteem motivates equally. Like I said, it was a leap of faith, and lots of effort on our part working toward an end, and real achievement. But before and after? A lot of working to just get by.

After the Dee-vorce, when I was on my own, I was finally making my own decisions and setting my own goals. I determined to live on a budget, and what that budget was. I then determined when I could start contributing to my retirement program again, and how much to set aside for savings. I determined to keep myself out of debt. Sometimes my goals were more oriented to personal achievement, like my goal for hiking 100 miles. While it was easier sometimes to remain at home, I pushed myself to get out and socialize with my divorce recovery group, taking line dancing lessons, and in various other ways.

When Wonderful Guy and I started sharing time together, we talked about hopes and dreams and goals. We share some goals of places to travel (Hawaii next February), projects (more rooms painted), and some dreams (a little place in the mountains some day?) We also dream about retiring in 9 or 10 years.

Often, my own goals are in the form of a list. I have a long term list, and a short term list. My year long list shows things like starting this blog, learning to spin, and to knit socks, working on my photo editing, certain yard projects, installing more memory in my computer, etc. Short term list reminds me what I want to get done this week. (Sometimes Wonderful Guy knows about my lists and sometimes he does not!)

Most of these things take forethought, research, and planning to bring about. Sometimes it can be time-consuming, and tedious, and needs to be made a priority. However, I have rarely been disappointed when a goal is achieved.

I have sometimes come to the realization that a goal has slipped from my list, completely, or just for now. That doesn’t make me un-successful. (I verbalized that because I have some inner voices that would tell me otherwise.)

My 12-step program tells me that setting goals and working towards them is a good and appropriate way to achieve a healthy way of living. I set my goals personally; free from others might think, with my own self-care in mind. My goals have to do with me, not with fixing others. Without dreams and goals, I can end up…just working to get by everyday…without even thinking about what I am doing or why I am doing it.

So….I present….my first grown-up sized socks, knitted by magic loop. (Now, to mark that off my list…wha!!! ‘Learn to knit socks’ is not on my list? How can that be? Well, not to worry. I am not above adding something just so I can mark it off!)