Practicing Gratitude

In the throes of the dee-vorce, I found many things for which to be thankful. And I was genuinely grateful, from the bottom of my heart, for these blessings.

I was very grateful for a supportive family of origin. The emotional support I received from them humbles me today. I was so very grateful for my daughters, who brought a joy into my life that helped eased the heartache to almost bearable.
I was thankful for my health, and for a job that gave me the opportunity to pay the mortgage and the utilities, and gave me health insurance. (Even if that was about all I was able to pay!)
I was grateful for my kitties, for my yard and garden, for my friends at work and in my divorce recovery group.

Indeed, I had many positive things in my life that I could be, and was sincerely full of gratitude for. In my reading, however, (and there was SO much reading and searching at this time), I discerned a thread that seemed to lead to a deeper level. And that was to being grateful for all that life brings our way, for therein lies our best lessons. I believe now it is through those lessons my higher power (God, universe, spirit, (fill in your blank)) brings me a level of wisdom and peace and serenity, providing I am open to learning.

Well, I surely didn’t want to repeat this grade. I wanted to learn whatever there was for me to learn in this sloggy, mucky mess I was in. So I was going to be grateful for everything?? All the sh*t? Well, okay... I started writing in my journal line by line…(and, honestly, weeping as I wrote)….

Thank you for him leaving me…
Thank you for their relationship they built that convince him he know longer cared for me….
Thank you for loss and rejection and shame and humiliation ….
Thank you for not having anyone’s hand to hold….
Thank you for them having each other and being happy….
Thank you for not having a partner to call on in an emergency…

There were about twenty five of these. And the next month, I did it again, as well as the next month, and again the month after. It just worked out that I felt I needed to repeat the exercise. There wasn’t a plan to do every month. I had an insight to put this list into a word doc, and even put some space after the individual entries (for some note making), because after the 2nd and 3rd month, I saw some of them starting to slip off the ‘painful’ list in a interesting way.

When I take an opportunity to reflect back on this list, now 6 years after making it, I am brought to my knees. There is not one item that I have listed that I am not now absolutely, 100%, completely and authentically grateful for the lesson involved, and how I have grown through it.

It is a humbling and amazing lesson to remember in my daily life, but one so very worth the effort.